Published, that is a scary word I’ve decided. It is a word that I have loved and wanted for so long. It is a word that I want to be. I feel like I have spend over half my life running toward that word and yet it is terrifying.
Published, no longer will me stories be just mine, something I play with and tell my self but it will be there for the world to see and read. For someone else to potentially take and play with. It is scary. Will others love my babies as much as I love them? I have worked hard and poured a lot into the lives of my characters they are precious and important to me. Will they be the same for someone else? It is a scary thought? What if the world hates them? Hating me is not a big deal but my characters my stories the ones I’ve poured my heat and soul into? That is a scary prospect!
I know I have had people read over my work and tell me it is good but there is a difference in sharing your story with those you know and love and while I trust them to be honest and to tell me if I can’t write, it is less scary to share with them. The world can be cruel.
Of course, I don’t have to share and my stories can be just for me and a select small group of people whom I trust but that is not what I want. I want to share, it’s just scary sharing.
While sharing is scary, there are other parts of the word published that is terrifying. Almost since I can remember I’ve wanted to be published. It has been my dream, and that’s just that, it is a dream, my dream. Seeing a dream become a reality. I think everyone can relate how terrifying that can be. What will the next dream be? Will the reality of the dream live up to the imaginings of the dream? What if it isn’t what it is cracked up to be? What if that is it? They are classic questions and many cheesy movies have addressed this idea but it is just words spoken on the big screen, living it is a whole different prospect.
Honestly this depicts my feelings about being published so perfectly: